Sure, I'd be happy to help you write a review for Crafty Crab in Pearland! Here's a playful and humorous take on a review, without mentioning any specific dish names:

"Oh, Crafty Crab, you crafty little crustacean! Your Pearland location at 11104 Broadway St is the perfect spot for anyone seeking a seafood feast that won't break the bank. And let me tell you, with a menu as extensive as the Mariana Trench, there's something for everyone - from the pickiest of eaters to the most adventurous of foodies.

First off, I've got to give a shoutout to the 'Something Fried' section of the menu. Everything from there tastes like it was sprinkled with fairy dust and fried to golden perfection. And don't even get me started on the 'Oyster/Scallops' category - it's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited!

Now, let's dive into the 'Seafood Boils' and 'Seafood Platters' - oh my! The sheer variety of seafood in these sections is mind-blowing. From the 'Special Seafood Food' to the 'Speical (Online)' options, there's no shortage of deliciousness to choose from.

But wait, there's more! The 'Sides' and 'Salads & Dessert' sections have some hidden gems that are worth exploring. And if you're feeling parched, the 'Soda,' 'Draft Beer,' 'Bottled Beer,' 'Wine,' 'Cocktail,' 'Martinis / Mojitos,' 'Kids Meal,' and 'Special Alcohol' options have got you covered.

And don't even get me started on the 'COMBINE EM'' section - it's like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but with seafood!

So, if you're looking for a seafood experience that's out of this world, look no further than Crafty Crab in Pearland. Trust me, your taste buds will thank you!"

Oh, and by the way, ordering directly from their website can save you some moolah too! Bon appétit, my friends!